Ahh, Parenthood

Parenthood. What to say? Let me get my thoughtful parent look on.

Ah, yes, here it is. Don't I look ready to give some experienced advice with my new specs and peaceful visage?

This is a special post dedicated to sharing a few of my recent frustrations in parenting, and then some simple things that have helped me be more proactive with Anna (and lower my frustration in the process). I cannot claim to be the brilliant inventor of these strategies. One has come from my mentor and friend, Brenda, friends Anne and Lyndsy, and the others through working at a fantastic early childhood education center and in training for kids with autism. I share them in the hope that if you are in a similar position with your beloved child of ages 2, 3, or 4 who is learning to be a confident, independent person while looking for boundaries...you might find them helpful. Please share any wisdom you have with me, too...please : )

1) I find myself talking a lot to Anna and realized I was probably starting to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to her. And talking also allows her space to argue and negotiate on things non-negotiable.

So, I made some visual reminders of the rules, not only to let her know the consequences of her actions, but to reinforce the real lesson, learning to be thankful and joyful for gifts in her life.

Our situation was that Anna would start crying after a movie was over: "I want to watch it AGAIN!" with tears and yells, very upset. Yeah, that wasn't going to fly. So I drew the rules up with her during one of these meltdowns. We read through them twice and then she started to cry, requesting the movie again. I pointed to the picture of her crying and then to the "no movie" sign and she stopped. She started crying again, I pointed to her crying and to the "no movie" sign and she stopped. We did this one more time and then she said (with tears in her eyes), "Thanks for letting me watch Bambi."

Big smile on my face and big praise for being thankful.

2) We also want to encourage respect for us, the parental units, by minimizing the manipulation at bedtime. Anna makes a bazillion requests at bedtime to go to the bathroom, get more water, help with the blankets, tucking her "friends" in, "Mama don't leave!!"...you get the picture. So, my great work mentor, Brenda, suggested Anna decorate a cup and then put two popsicle sticks in it. (We only had chopsticks). If she requests something, she pays us a chopstick. When the chopsticks are all paid out, then no more requests and Mama and Daddy don't come back in. Bedtime for Bonzo, as my Dad used to say.

This has made bedtime a lot more pleasant for all involved. My friend Lyndsy also suggested giving Anna my sweater to snuggle with when she wants me to stay in her room with her. Anna usually wants to put it on and get cozy in it.

3) We want to encourage kindness and obedience by pointing out when Anna uses sweet words, gentle hands and feet, and listening ears (aka positive reinforcement).

She earns a heart when we see her doing these things, and when she reaches the designated number of hearts, she gets a prize out of the goody box (stickers, fluffy feather pens, plastic rings, bubbles...). Its definitely fun for her to receive a small little treasure, but its more fun for me when I see her listening to my words and then she realizes she's made a good choice and shown kindness and obedience to her mama.

4) The last little nugget I will share is a story of something my friend Anne does with her boys at the grocery store. I will put it in italics since I don't have a picture to set it apart.

Anne and her boys are walking down the cereal aisle, for example, and they pick out a box of cereal. One of the boys decides he wants another, different kind of cereal. Anne could answer by saying, "We're only getting one," or "We're not going to get it." But instead, she says, "Oh, is that what you would choose if you could have any box of cereal in the whole world? Hmm, if I could have any box I would get Honey Bunches of Oats (purely speculation). What would you get ______ (boy #2)? What do you think Daddy would want to get?" And then it becomes a positive, imaginative and bonding experience.

She's awesome.

So, take 'em or leave 'em, and good luck on the journey of child-rearing.

And now, just a couple pictures of some sweetness.

Little Bundle all tucked in on the quilt Aunt Meg made for him.

Working hard on tummy time.